Girlie Wisdom

I thought you all could use a few laughs to help you get through the rest of the week...

Women over 50 don't have babies because

they would put them down

and forget where they left them.

~~~

A friend of mine confused her Valium

with her birth control pills...

she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

~~~

One of life's mysteries is

how a 2-pound box of chocolates

can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

~~~

My mind not only wanders,

it sometimes leaves completely.

~~~

The best way to forget your troubles

is to wear tight shoes.

~~~

The nice part about living in a small town

is that when you don't know

what you are doing,

someone else does.

~~~

The older you get,

the tougher it is to lose weight

because by then, your body

and your fat are really good friends.

~~~

Just when I was getting used to yesterday,

along came today.

~~~

Sometimes I think I understand everything,

and then I regain consciousness.

~~~

I gave up jogging for my health

when my thighs kept rubbing together

and setting fire to my knicker's.

~~~

Amazing!

You hang something in your closet

for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

~~~

Skinny people irritate me!

Especially when they say things like...

'You know sometimes I forget to eat!'

....Now I've forgotten my address,

my mother's maiden name and my keys,

but I have never forgotten to eat.

You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

~~~

The trouble with some women

is that they get all excited about nothing

and then they marry him.

~~~

I read this article that said the typical symptoms

of stress are eating too much,

impulse buying, and driving too fast.

Are they kidding?

That's my idea of a perfect day!