Sunday, June 15, 2008

Happy Father's Day

It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.
~ Pope John XXIII

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection. ~ Sigmund Freud

Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.

~Author Unknown

There's one sad truth in life I've found

While journeying east and west -

The only folks we really wound

Are those we love the best.

We flatter those we scarcely know,

We please the fleeting guest,

And deal full many a thoughtless blow

To those who love us best.

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I grew up with a father that was seriously overlooked when the parenting skills were passed out. Yet, for all that he lacked as a father, I couldn't have asked for a better grandfather for my children than what he proved to be. I used to have a complete series of feelings that would surface with every thought of him. They ranged from hate, anger, pain, disgust and even jealousy. Yes, you read it right..... 'jealousy' . I was so jealous of other people's children because he was always so sweet and tender with them, as I stood there watching and crying inside because he never showed his own children that side of him. He died 29 years ago and I mourned for the father I never got to have.

I gave my children the ultimate gift of a father that was the carbon copy of my father. Now I ask you, how thoughtful is that? Instead of leaving him the many times that I wanted to, I waited until Tersie and Chris were grown and on their own before I grew that all important backbone and walked out the door. I have to tell you, I carried a lot of regrets and guilt for not leaving him when my children were small. I am reminded time and time again, that when it is said that a person is 'a product of their upbringing', it isn't necessarily a bad thing. I used my father as an example of the parent I didn't want to become. I watch Tersie and Chris' parenting skills and know that the same is true for them.

With that said, I need to tell you that I was blessed the day that JD became a part of my life. He is the caring loving father my children never had. He was already the father of 4 children from his first marriage, now he is the father of 6.

I have a special request of all the dads out there that may read this post. Please be the kind of father to your children that you would have liked to have had or the the loving father that you had (if you were fortunate enough to have that kind of father).



Artsy Etc. said...

You're blog posts are always so inspiring and so heartfelt. This post is no exception. Thank you for sharing your sweet spirit with us all.


Diane of Crafty Passions said...

Thanks for sharing.If its any consolation your not alone, my Dad and my Hubby were just like yours.
So I wish YOU a Happy Fathers Day.
Take care.

Tracy said...

Happy Fathers day to J.D. I am glad you found him, although it looks like you had to deal with a lot of pain before finding him. Your post was very heartfelt, and I think inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

For some Fathers it takes being a Grand father before they get it.

Betty said...

Wonder why we always seem to marry a man just like our Dads. I, too, marry a man much like my Daddy, but mine is a different story than your's. I'm sorry you didn't have happy memories of him.

I posted a tribute to my Daddy today. I hope you have the time to visit.

Honest to Ya~Ya said...

What a wonderful Father's Day Post...I swear, we have so much in common we could be sisters! Only it was a step dad that I learned the hard lessons from and Mom didn't divorce him until I had been married a year. Now she has a wonderful man and is richly blessed.

Hope JD has had a wonderful day!☺

Diane J. said...

My Daddy wasn't the best father as I was growing up, but like your Daddy, he did better as a Grandpa.

Daddy was an old coot, but he was MY old coot and I loved him in spite of himself.

Happy Father's Day to JD!

Have a great new week, Jo. ;o)

Love and hugs,


Mountain Mama said...

This is a very touching post. I wish every father in the world could read it and take the wise advice you offered.

farmlady said...

Oh Jo, you've brought another tear down into my heart.
We can't pick our parents. If we could, there would not be enough good ones to go around; I suspect.
If your father was a better grandpa it was probably to the benefit of your children. Everyone has something good in them( I like to think so anyway).
Still...., my heart goes out to you, the child, who needed his love so much.

Steven and Aisha said...

hi Jo. I love this post. You shared to us your story in just a simple way but it touched my heart. I couldn't imagine what you and your kids have been through. I'm glad that you're happy with JD. :) That's what makes life worth living too, spending it with the person you love and who loves you back!

Mary said...

Father's Day just brings back bad memories for me. I wish I had a dad who I could be proud of...take care.Mary

Britt-Arnhild said...

Deep reflectiuons, raw words.
Blessings to you all.

BClark said...

Here is another reason to like blogs. Some times we think we are an island, the only person suffering. I had as a Father image my Grandfather who was a wonderful person. It was the women in my life who gave me so much pain. My choice in husbands was not that good either, but finally have my prince. So glad you have your's in JD. Thank you for sharing. Barbara

Hopefulsl said...

This was very toughing to me. I grew up having a loving Dad. My ex. of 10 yrs. Put me in a lot of pain!!
10 yrs. later i too now have my PRINCE....
Dad and my husband are just like each other,Giggle,Giggle. When the phone rings and i see its my dad, i tell my husband its for you!!!! Thats how close they are. Both with big loving hearts.
Thanks for sharing this story.
By the way, i hope JD had a wonderful fathers day?
Stacy-hopefulsl (hugs)

Theresa said...

I am going to print this out and hang it up. What a beautiful essay. I am amazed at how cyclical we are in habits and choices. It takes a great effort (and plenty of help) to break those cycles. I'm so glad you found JD and he found you. To new habits and loving fathers.

Jo said...

Thank you all for all of your wonderful kind and supportive comments. It would have been nice to have had a father that was a dreams come true sort of parent, but having the father that I had has shaped me into the person that I am. My father was just a product of his upbringing. He brought his children up in the way that he was brought up. I am just happy that I was able to break that chain, and eqally as happy that my children were able to do the same. The memories will always remain, but I have learned how to tiptoe around them also.

Blessings to each and everyone of you.