Women over 50 don't have babies because
they would put them down
and forget where they left them.
~~~
A friend of mine confused her Valium
with her birth control pills...
she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
~~~
One of life's mysteries is
how a 2-pound box of chocolates
can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
~~~
My mind not only wanders,
it sometimes leaves completely.
~~~
The best way to forget your troubles
is to wear tight shoes.
~~~
The nice part about living in a small town
is that when you don't know
what you are doing,
someone else does.
~~~
The older you get,
the tougher it is to lose weight
because by then, your body
and your fat are really good friends.
~~~
Just when I was getting used to yesterday,
along came today.
~~~
Sometimes I think I understand everything,
and then I regain consciousness.
~~~
I gave up jogging for my health
when my thighs kept rubbing together
and setting fire to my knicker's.
~~~
Amazing!
You hang something in your closet
for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
~~~
Skinny people irritate me!
Especially when they say things like...
'You know sometimes I forget to eat!'
....Now I've forgotten my address,
my mother's maiden name and my keys,
but I have never forgotten to eat.
You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
~~~
The trouble with some women
is that they get all excited about nothing
and then they marry him.
~~~
I read this article that said the typical symptoms
of stress are eating too much,
impulse buying, and driving too fast.
Are they kidding?
That's my idea of a perfect day!
