Bathing Suit Blues

I can't tell you how often I have struggled with stress or health issues and felt as if I was trapped in a dark pit with no way out of it. More times then not something happens, is said or I read something that brings a smile to my face. From that point on, the course of the entire day can change. I received the following story in an e-mail yesterday. With so many people planning their vacations, I thought it is a good time to post it to my blog. I have no idea who wrote it, but I can tell you it didn't just bring a smile to my face, it brightened the rest of my day. I hope it will do the same for you.

Beach Vacation

When I was a teen in the 1960s the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.

Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice...... she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia or she can wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.

The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped

in horror.... my boobs had disappeared!

Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took awhile to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.

The bathing suit fit alright, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, there you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an over sized napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.

I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.

I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a shorts style bottom and a loose blouse type top.

It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured. When I got home, I found a label which read .... 'Material might become transparent in water.'

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too I'll be the one in cut off jeans and a shirt!

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'

Connie at 'Over Good Ground' has requested prayers for her friend Karen who is having some health issues and is worried about the results.

Jeff at 'A Word In Edgewise' asked that we send up prayers for his Mother-in-law Maria, who was to go through surgery for the second time for breast cancer. This after the Doctors thinking they had gotten it all the first time. Please remember Jeff's wife Lisa as well. I know all too well that the loved ones of the cancer patients goes through their own private little hell.

Linds at 'Rocking Chair Reflections' has been ordered off of her feet for a while due to an injury to her knee. She has been bonding with her couch during this time.

Stacy at 'Living My Days In Hope' has been having some serious issues with her son. Please remember her family as they struggle with trying to find him the help that he needs.

Reva at 'Gifting Each Day' will be going to Denver for a medical procedure next week.

If I have forgotten anyone please know that it wasn't intentional. Hopefully you will stop by these blogs and offer some support and a few words of encouragement, as well as remember these special people in your prayers.

Yesterday morning we headed down the back side of the mountain as we had a few errands to run. When we finished about 4 PM we made a big circle and was met with this when we reached the bottom of the front side of the mountain. We were told that about 9 AM the loaded log truck in the picture either lost control of his truck or his brakes failed and it demolished the barn in the following picture. The driver was taken to the hospital. We haven't heard anything on his condition.

This barn usually houses a horse, but it had been turned out to pasture before the crash. There were two cows in the barn when the truck ran into it. They found one of the cows dead under the fallen barn. This is the second incident within a month due to the none stop logging that they are doing here on the mountain. The last one they felled a tree on the power lines causing a transformer to blow. We were out of electricity for around 12 hours. I think someone is trying to tell them something. What do you think?

Hope your day is exceptional!!!

Holiday Shopping "&&()@^@#&*"

I am a true believer that the quickest way to turn a person with a cheerful happy Christmas spirit into some sort of red eyed, snarling, head spinning creature is with a shopping trip this time of year.

I have never in my life ventured out on Black Friday to do any type of shopping what so ever. In fact I even gone so far as to make sure that I was stocked up on enough groceries to last at least until the first of the next week for that very reason. This may have come about from all the years of working retail.

Well, with the prices of everything sky rocketing this year, I decided to bite the bullet and charge out there with the rest of the world trying to catch a bargain and save a few dollars. I even had J.D. convinced that this would be the thing to do.

Come Friday morning, I had my list made and woke J.D. up long before the crack of dawn and we were on our way to town. We made Wal-Mart our first stop and had very little problem finding a parking spot. We made it inside fairly easily as well. It wasn't until we reached the back of the building that we came to a complete stop due to a bottleneck. Shopping carts were going no where at all. It was at this point, I left J.D. with the cart while I made my way through the people milling about in the aisles with my list in hand to find some of those bargains. After what seemed years, I found my way back to our cart and my husband, list still in hand, but no bargains in tow. It was at this point that we deserted our cart and made our way back to the front of the store.

Our next stop would be Sears. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad. What planet did I think I was on to have a thought like that. It was just as bad, if not worse because the store isn't as big. Another stroll to the back of a store and back to the front and I threw in the towel. Who needs this kind of stress so early in the morning?

It took me all of two stores to wonder why I had even thought that dragging us out in the cold at a ridiculous hour of the morning was a good idea. When it could all have been done in the comfort of our home, with a cup of coffee in hand. I didn't think about it until right now, but I could blame my temporary insanity on the bad effects of Lyrica (see yesterday's posting) on my system.

We left Sears and headed for Bob Evans for a good country breakfast. Not much can work up an appetite like a failed Black Friday shopping spree.

Kudos to those shoppers that do get out there on Black Friday and manage to save a few dollars and find those bargains to boot. It is a tradition for son, Chris and daughter-in-law, Melody and they find the bargains. I truly believe that if you are going to do this you need to have a game plan, as well as training. It is like a football game in a lot of ways. If you aren't going to train for it, and follow a plan, you might as well forget about any sort of wish list or happy ending at the end of your shopping excursion. All you are going to have is a head ache and nasty temper.

Note to Jo: From now on stay on the mountain and shop online. Just as many bargains there as in the stores. Drink my coffee and say, "Ahhhhhhh, I love shopping like this!"